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      100句幽默诙谐的搞笑语录

      时间:2018-04-25 19:34 来源:语录大全 点击:

      1、我自横刀向天笑,笑完我就去睡觉。


      2、时间太瘦,指缝太宽。


      3、坐等丈母娘发货。


      4、男人赚钱后想和老婆离婚,男人赚不到钱老婆想和他离婚。


      5、我们的目标:向钱看,向厚赚。


      6、我是你转身就忘的路人甲,凭什么陪你蹉跎年华到天涯?


      7、间歇性郁闷症发作期间,生人勿扰,熟人勿找。


      8、妈妈在也不用担心我的学习,一手拿着教科书,一手拿着打火机,那里不会点那里。


      9、帅有个屁用!到头来还不是被卒吃掉!


      10、如果你愿意一层一层一层的剥开我的心 你会发现我缺心眼。


      11、车道山前必有路,有路我也刹不住。


      12、药药切克闹,我说孙子你说到。


      13、凭你那智商不要数星星,数月亮吧!


      14、当生活心怀歹毒地将一切都搞成了黑色幽默,我顺水推舟把自己变成了一个受过高等教育的流氓。


      15、老师说,你们现在不好好学习,以后找对象就是填空题,现在好好学习,以后找对象就是选择题!


      16、明月几时有,自己抬头瞅。


      17、英雄不问出路,流氓不看岁数。


      18、没有医保和寿险的,天黑后不要见义勇为……


      19、琴棋书画不会,洗衣做饭嫌累。


      20、说金钱是罪恶,都在捞;说美女是祸水,都想要;说高处不胜寒,都在爬;说烟酒伤身体,都不戒;说天堂最美好,都不去!


      21、挤公交是包含散打、瑜珈、柔道、平衡木等多种体育和健身项目于一体的综合性运动。


      22、老娘法眼一开就知道你是个妖孽了。


      23、手插口袋,谁都不爱。


      24、路见不平一声吼,吼完继续往前走。


      25、没有不透风的墙,没有不能上吊的梁。


      26、执子之手,将子拖走!子若不走,拍晕了继续拖走!


      27、个头大就一定厉害吗?恐龙不是照样灭绝了!


      28、妈妈问我有男朋友了么,我说没有,妈妈说:这个可以有,我说:这个真没有……


      29、理想很丰满,现实却很骨感。


      30、手拿菜刀砍电线,一路火花带闪电。


      31、雷锋做了好事不留名,但是每一件事情都记到日记里面。


      32、我又不是人民币,怎么能让人人都喜欢我?


      33、令人不能自拔的,除了牙齿还有爱情。


      34、我深信,会有一个男人是为受我的折磨而来到这世上的。


      35、父母忽悠孩子叫教育;孩子忽悠父母叫欺骗;互相忽悠叫代沟。


      36、别跟我谈感情,谈感情伤钱。


      37、爱是费尽心力地全身投入,然后再百转千回地抽身而出!


      38、情侣间最矛盾的地方就是幻想彼此的未来,却惦记着对方的过去。


      39、还没来得及去沾花惹草,就被人拔光了。


      40、你有什么不开心的事?说出来让大家开心一下。


      41、我那么喜欢你,你喜欢我一下会死埃。


      42、虽然你身上喷了古龙水,但我还是能隐约闻到一股人渣味儿。


      43、英雄难过美人关,我不是英雄,美人让我过了关。


      44、男人的大脑喜欢女人的内心,但是眼睛喜欢女人的外表。


      45、女人喜欢长得坏坏的男人,不是喜欢长坏了的男人。


      46、咸鱼翻身,还是咸鱼。


      47、我又不是王子,为什么女孩遇见我总认为自己应该成为公主。


      48、结婚就是给自由穿件棉衣,活动起来不方便,但会很温暖。


      49、知识就像内-裤,看不见但很重要。


      50、人不犯我,我不犯人;人若犯我,礼让三分;人再犯我,我还一针;人还犯我,斩草除根。


      51、我允许你走进我的世界,但不许你在我的世界里走来走去。


      52、明骚易躲,暗贱难防。


      53、天没降大任于我,照样苦我心智,劳我筋骨。


      54、执子之手,方知子丑,泪流满面,子不走我走。


      55、红豆不长南国,长我脸上了,真相思!


      56、念了十几年书,想起来还是幼儿园比较好混!


      57、我的优点是:我很帅;但是我的缺点是:我帅的不明显。


      58、我当年也是个痴情的种子,结果下了场雨……淹死了。


      59、西游记告诉我们:凡是有后台的妖怪都被接走了,凡是没后台的都被一棒子打死了。


      60、我诅咒你一辈子买方便面没有调料包。


      61、小树不修不成材、小孩不打不成器。


      62、单身并不难,难的是应付那些千方百计想让你结束单身的人 。


      63、幸福是什么?幸福就是你吃鱼,我吃肉,看着别人啃骨头。


      64、人生就像蒲公英,没事尽量少吹。


      65、你的长相很提神。


      66、我觉得世界上就只有两种人能吸引人,一种是特漂亮的一种就是你这样的。


      67、再完美的身材,在不爱她的人的眼里,也是一种解调侃的作料。


      68、大女人不可一日无权,小女人不可一日无钱!


      69、不是我不笑,一笑粉就掉!


      70、青春献给了房子,中年献给了孩子。


      71、我总在牛A与牛C之间徘徊。


      72、空白是白色的吗?


      73、长得丑的女孩子我一般不甩她,但你是个例外。


      74、不吃饱哪有力气减肥啊?


      75、念了十几年书,还是幼儿园比较好混!


      76、连广告也信,读书读傻了吧!


      77、爷爷都是从孙子走过来的.


      78、没什么事不要找我,有事更不用找我。


      79、男人没赚到钱时女人着急,男人赚到钱时女人后悔。


      80、小时候,她父母始终相信女大十八变,丑小鸭会变白天鹅!长大后的某天,爸爸很专注地看着她,然后语重心长地说:“孩子,你还是用功读书吧…”


      81、想污染一个地方有两种方法:垃圾,或是钞票!


      82、谁说我白,瘦,漂亮,我就跟他做好朋友。


      83、房价越来越高,所以,好男人越来越少。


      84、不怕虎一样的敌人,就怕猪一样的队友!


      85、拿份报纸上厕所,俺是读书人。


      86、大学四年没有一个女生问过我路,今天第一次开宝马回母校办点事,结果一会功夫就有五个女生来问路。


      87、下辈子我还找你,因为除了我,你是最傻的。


      88、女人拥有无数个QQ号只为了调戏一个男人,男人常用一个QQ号上面加满各种各样的女人。


      89、老婆看完几个我在大学交的女友照片后,一个劲地夸我不好色,555……


      90、小姑娘们梦中都想找一匹白马,睁开眼发现满世界都是灰不溜秋的驴,悲痛欲绝后,只能从驴群中挑个身强力壮的,这样的驴就被命名为:经济适用男 。


      91、56、女人会为感情放弃事业,而男人会为了事业放弃感情;女人会被为了感情放弃事业的男人感动,但会留在为了事业放弃感情的男人身边!


      92、女人就像书架上的书,虽然你买了她,但在你买之前她多多少少被几个男人翻过。


      93、男人和老婆的关系再差,他和岳母的关系也是好的;女人和老公的关系再好,她和婆婆的关系也是差的。


      94、如果照镜子要上税,恐怕有些女人会破产。


      95、人又不聪明,还学人家秃顶!


      96、我宁愿你抱着别的女人想我,也不愿你抱着我想别的女人。


      97、QQ上多了,什么企鹅没见过?


      98、只要锄头舞的好,那有墙角挖不倒?


      99、玫瑰真便宜,都可以送老婆了。


      100、男人有外遇体现在工作越来越忙,女人有外遇体现在做的菜越来越咸。


      文章标题:100句幽默诙谐的搞笑语录

      文章地址:http://www.8035518.com/gaoxiaoyulu/9612.html 版权所有,转载请注明出处。


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